Clara Carrier: From People Pleaser to Self-Love Advocate

The straight-A student that was forced to grow up too quickly in a household affected by alcoholism, Clara Carrier’s desire “to do” everything right left her feeling empty and longing for more. As a Columbian American, her story speaks to the struggles of many Latina women that have grown up with strong, traditional Mot(her) Codes around womanhood, mothering, being a wife, and trying to do it all (at the cost of one’s own emotional health). Programmed to put everyone else first, give the man the last word, and strive towards marriage and children, Clara had to reckon with her past to feed her soul. Her story resonates with many women who are embarking on a lifelong journey toward honoring themselves.

Clara Carrier M.A., ACC

Clara Lucia Jaramillo-Carrier is a proud Colombian American and the founder of Breaking Through Consulting & Coaching. As a Latina and an immigrant, she spent decades feeling like a minority, trying to fit in, and struggling with perfecting, performing, and pleasing as means to finding belonging. Exhaustion and a longing for more meaning drove her to venture into her personal growth.

Nowadays, Clara is integrating her 23-year corporate experience with her deep knowledge of social-emotional intelligence and emerging human empowerment technologies and her rigorous training as an Associate Certified Coach by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) to make a difference. As an empathetic and experienced consultant, she serves stagnant organizations to become stronger brands by awakening their purpose, developing clear messaging, and determining strategic priorities. As a life and career coach, she works with her clients to awaken their purpose and vision so they can live more meaningful and satisfying lives and careers.

Some of her clients include Ronald McDonald House Charities®, EverThrive Illinois, Curamericas Global, Opus Peace, People’s Resource Center, Cardenas Markets Foundation, The American Hearing Research Foundation, McDonald’s Corporation, The Hershey Company, The Indiana Department of Health, The Washington State University SNAP-Ed Extension, and Southern Illinois University.

Something more

Clara had spent her childhood doing everything according to the codes handed down to her. Although she recognizes the value of the traits instilled in her, they are a double edge sword. The same “go-getter” traits that enabled her to start her own business left her feeling empty. She describes this feeling as something “almost visceral” and “uncomfortable” inside her. Exhausted, many women can relate to Clara’s struggle to create a sustainable life.

She recognized that there was a need for something more. Unlike some women, she didn’t have one “breakthrough” moment but rather a long period of “learning” and a long process of observing that need.

Clara, a proud Colombian American, talks about the challenges of her upbringing in Columbia. She unpacks a lot of the preconceived ideas about motherhood and women in her native culture. Like many other women, she was taught to live in a “self-sacrificial” way: to give to everyone else before oneself and to always stove to say “yes.”

Her childhood was further complicated by the fact that her father suffered from alcoholism and her mother was left incapacitated and unable to properly deal with the situation. These factors caused Clara to grow up quickly, take on more than her fair share of responsibility and cultivate an inner voice that was constantly demanding herself to give more.

Analyzing these codes doesn’t come without complications and conflicting emotions. Both Clara and Gertrude recognize that pre-existing codes come with a sense of comfort and belonging. It can be both difficult and feel dangerous to turn away from what we have been taught.

A messy but beautiful process

Clara was forced to confront her emotional self. This was something that she turned off in her childhood. Emotional intelligence was a completely different knowledge and unknown territory. She had always been preoccupied with “doing” and is proud to say she can now shift to “being.” Gertrude further discussed how the “doing” often reigns supreme in the eyes of the world, however, embracing both is extremely powerful.

Awareness was the first step of a long self-discovery journey. Clara talks about the work of going deeper: to feel and not hide from her emotions. She also recognizes how this opens you up and lets you feel for other people better.

Clara is breaking the tradition of Latina women not being able to have their own voice. Not putting her husband or child first at all times is something that sets her apart from her upbringing. She is moving away from these traditions or codes with compassion and love but also with conviction. This means challenging men, challenging thoughts and norms. For her, this means leaning into the highest expression of herself.

With humor and heart, Clara brands her journey as “messy.”

Messy is speaking her voice instead of swallowing it.

Messy is telling her husband or son that she is choosing to do something different by putting one of her own needs first.

Self-love and its rippling effect

Like many women, self-love didn’t exist in Clara’s vocabulary until she actually experienced it. In her childhood, she was focused outward on making other people. Once she allowed herself to feel her emotions, she was able to feel self-love for the first time. Now, she realizes she can do this every day. It still makes her emotional to think: how do I continue to love myself, how do I mother myself, how do I talk sweetly to myself instead of letting her judgemental voice and self-critic takeover?

Clara talks about how self-love has changed how she looks at other people. Even in business, she shows up differently: she sees her clients as people. This translates into a connection that goes beyond just a transfer of services and money.

Of course, this changes the dynamic as she raises her son as well. Both the ladies want people to know how living your own full, happy life helps you let go while mothering. For Clara, this translated to relinquishing some of the responsibility that she carries over to her son. With self-love, she can give her son the space and the task of being his own person without having to smother him. She sees herself as a support, rather than being tasked with basing her identity off him and living through him.

Rewriting the Mot(her) Code

For Clara, rewriting the Mot(her) Code means having a white canvas in front of you, and having a choice of color, shape, and theme. It’s having this space for you to become and be whatever you want to be. It means challenging, questioning, and being curious. Take life and live it to the fullest with all its ups and downs. To live courageously and to choose to paint your white canvas every day.

Website: https://startbreakingthrough.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/claracarrier

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/startbreakingthrough/

Other Social Media: https://twitter.com/ClaraCarrier

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